From the Mind of Meegs

All of us at Your Friendly Neighborhood Bank would like to offer our insincere and unsolicited congratulations on your excellent credit rating! By accomplishing the heroic feat of paying your bills on time and not spending more money than you earn, you have demonstrated a great deal of financial responsibility. And now we'd like to help you do something about that. Please, won't you join us in credit hell?

Don't you want our shiny new card? See--you can choose any background you want! Even kittens! We offer a variety of nominal reward programs, which allow you to slowly and painfully earn points that will evaporate long before you purchase this ugly candelabra or any of the other random things your points can be spent on. We also offer this tempting introductory rate, which we expect to raise within a few months when the economy comes out of the crapper and interest rates rise accordingly. Your exceedingly responsible fiscal behavior also entitles you to a credit line that far exceeds the amount of money you make in a month. Because that is what we are all about: helping you spend more money, even though not spending money is just what qualified you for this once-in-a-lifetime offer in the first place.

We would appreciate that you reply by the deadline listed below. However, if you miss that deadline, don't worry. We'll just send you another notice with a new deadline and even larger, brighter font. Perhaps you are visually impaired and have had difficulty reading this notice. Honestly, that's the only reason we can think of that would explain your refusal to respond to our polite entreaties.

Won't you let us make your life temporarily better by helping you acquire more things? Because when you get that momentary rush that accompanies a new purchase, we get that decades-long rush that accompanies an interest-acruing balance.

Join us. Together we can make a better world for wannabe loan sharks everywhere.

Most Sincerely Yours,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Bank