From the Mind of Meegs

...but in the always cringeworthy world of greeting cards, the wedding card genre is by far the worst offender. And the "wedding - religious" subgenre is the worst of the worst ("On this special day when God gives you the mostest wonderfulest, mostest specialest gift ever, a gift single people can only dream of, may your hearts be knit together in love and smug superiority...").

Other than their general cheesetasticness, I also can't stand greeting cards because they occasion false politeness and require unnecessary spending.

You'd think, if you were a close friend of the couple, perhaps even the maid of honor, that it would be easier to choose a card that says, "May your marriage be so wonderful that you barf with happiness every single day from now until death do you part" (or something like that), rather than unloading that sentiment on relative strangers whose wedding you attend strictly out of social obligation. However, that is not the case when you are a dry-humored cynic and that card will only elicit the response: "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend of 20+ years?"

And to top it all off, while standing in line with the hated card, I may have inadvertently scarred a child for life. There she stood, her juice-stained face still plastered against the register, blocking my access to the credit card swipey-dealy. Her mom had already begun to move toward the door, too wrapped up in the receipt she was stuffing in her purse and the clamoring of her older daughter to recognize that the youngest mop-top was not joining the Family Parade, Destination: Parking Lot.

Rather than rudely shove the tot along, I smiled and gave a friendly little laugh. "Oops--careful. You're going to lose your mom there," as I gestured to the large backside 3 feet in front of us. She ran up and yanked on her mom's jacket, accusing and pleading all at once, "Mommy! Why did you leave me?"

Oh great. Now she has abandonment issues and will never trust another human being again, much less forge a functional and loving relationship that will result in barf-inducing happiness. Fantastic.

My fervent wish for this weekend: that it at least goes off better than my lunchtime excursion to Target.